one for the books

tonight was a memorable one. firstly, I would be lying if I told you that every day I go through this is painless and easy. I'm not happy all the time, and I'm certainly not always smiling. sometimes the reality of cancer punches you hard in the stomach. you are fine one minute and crying the next. to be honest with you, tonight I cried harder than I ever have since my diagnosis. now don't get me wrong, I'm most definitely a crier. I cry in movies, songs, at church, when I'm happy, or sad. tonight was more of a painful cry though. tonight the tears just came. I started to feel defeated. someone told me once that tears are liquid prayers. I do think crying can be one of the healthiest things a person can do. I cried not only in the natural tonight, but I cried out to God. the beautiful thing is I've never felt closer to the Holy Spirit than I have during these late nights, and I definitely know what it feels to be held tightly by my Heavenly Father. I know He sees all these tears, and He not only sees them, but knows what each one is for. so sometimes yes, I do feel a small defeat, or disheartened in a sense. but I can always take those worries to Him, knowing He cares so deeply for them. how amazing to think that He exchanges pain for healing, fear for peace, and sorrow for joy?


weeping may come for a night, but joy comes with the morning.