Sunday, April 5, 2009

{a testimony}

I shared this a couple of weeks ago, and I found my notes today.
So I thought I'd share it with you :)
in advance, its LoNG.
so if you don't read it all, I'm ok with that


I've had the privilege of growing up in a Christian home my whole life.
I have wonderful God-fearing parents that pray for me and with me constantly :)
& I've had a somewhat sheltered life.

Private schools and online schools were my source of education growing up.
So when I got to my freshman year, I was really excited to go to a public school.
I didn't really know anyone, all my friends were at my church.
So my school friends were pretty much the first people I met.
But those people weren't the best influence on me.
They weren't the partiers or the drinkers, but they were the kids that were all too concerned with what people thought of them.
And even if you don't realize it, the people who you hang out with will have one of the greatest impacts on who you become.
So I started to care.
I really wanted everyone to like me.
I desired a big group of "popular" friends;
to be able to be identified with that crowd.

Another thing I really wanted was perfect grades.
I figured I wouldn't be able to have a good life unless there was nothing but a big A on every assignment I had.
It stressed me out a little bit.
I spent a lot of time on homework
and pretty soon my stress got heavier and harder to deal with.

Around the middle of my freshman year, My family started to go through a tough financial situation.
Things weren't great, money was tight. And I got scared.
I was afraid we would lose our house.
I was worried that my dad would be out of a job for too long.
I didn't know how things would turn around
Money was a security to me.

Part of me felt like there was something I had done wrong.
Wasn't there some way I could have prevented things from happening?
I started getting really worried, to the point of anxiety and panic attacks.
fear is a tough one.
When it grips you, its hard to let it loose.
I was afraid, insecure, and stressed.

I hadn't given up on God, but I seemed to have forgotten that He can make all things work together for good. (Ro 8::28)

I didn't feel like I could control my situation.
One thing I could control was what I ate.
So I didn't eat much.
Part of it was I was too nervous to eat,
and another part was a control thing.

Over the summer things didn't really change, and I entered my sophomore year the same as I had left.
But what I didn't know was God was waiting to have a little chat with me :)
And that time came quickly.

It wasn't away at a conference,
and It wasn't at church camp.
It was an ordinary Sunday morning during worship, and I heard the voice of God
clearer than I had in a while.
and He said
"Lyndsay why are you afraid?"

and I was thinking "well God, I'm afraid of this and this...
I listed my fears.
people not liking me
getting bad grades and not going to a good college
losing control of my life
losing my house...
it went on.

and He said
"But why? Why are you afraid? Don't you know that everything is taken care of?"

and to be honest, I don' think I had realized that.

I had forgotten that my Savior was not going anywhere, and that my fears were not near as big as Him.
So I started to give them to Him.
"God I give you my fears,
God I give you my insecurities,
God I give you my circumstance."
and an amazing scripture that He put on my heart that morning was

Matthew 11::28-30

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I began to truly believe that.

A huge burden was gone.
Things were so much better.
God blessed me with amazing school friends that were believers
and my schoolwork seemed so much easier
Even though my family's situation hadn't changed much, I was able to step out in faith
and believe that God had something awesome in store for us.
It was a true act of overcoming.
Because I gave Him my problems and put my trust in Him.
Because He's bigger
He's stronger
and He see's my past, walks with me in the present, and see ahead to things to come.
And now I know that I'm not called to be a worrier,
I'm called to be a warrior :)

And even though I still feel stressed at times, and sometimes my mind wanders into a bit of worry.
The difference is I know exactly how to overcome.
I give it to Him.
He's on my side.
and I know that I am victorious because of Him.

the end :)

1 comment:

JB said...

you are amazing...your testimony is life changing..and i love you beyond words. thanks for being transparent and real, i luv u for that and i know God loves when we are real cause then real people can understand :)